We decided to take the kids to a family event in Fort Lauderdale. Once arriving, we were a bit disappointed so we walked to another restaurant. The kids were amazing during dinner; well behaved, sat, ate and enjoyed the bagpipe player which came to each table. Were these really my children?
We got home around 9pm and it was all downhill from there. They cried in perfect harmony; Addison until 11:30pm and Jackson 12am. What the hell happened to them between the time we left the restaurant and got home? Jackson we blamed teething. Addison, well, what was her excuse? Oh, that’s right, she is three. Yes, this is more like it… welcome back kids!
The kids woke at 7:30am and were already shouting their morning demands: mil-mil-mil(milk), chocolate milk, cereal, potty, new diaper... whine, whine, whine, wine… mmm wine. It’s only 7:30am; right.
I pry open my eyes and meet every demand. Good mommy. My only hope was that I can get the monsters down for a nap by 11am. We had plans to go to my friend Jayme’s and hang out by the pool with her and our other girlfriend (my kids call Aunt Wiz). Aunt Wiz has a son; B will be one in a couple of weeks.
Rule number one: Never compare your children to B. He is an amazing baby (not that I don’t think my children are amazing because they are)… but B was born without a fussy switch. This baby is quiet, content, happy; he is not either of my children. Right, we are not comparing.
12:30 in the afternoon, no sight of napping or the hopes of a nap; we pack-up, walk the dogs and head out for our day of fun in the sun.
We get to Jayme’s and shortly after Aunt Wiz and cousin B arrive. Addison is so excited. If there is any person Addison loves as much as mommy, daddy, her Auntie M (my sister), Aunt Wennie, uncles or her grand-parents it is Aunt Wiz. Addison jumps up and down clapping her hands. This is what she has been waiting for the past week. Maybe that is why she has not been sleeping… excitement.
Rule number two: Never tell your toddler they are going to do something fun and exciting until the day of the event; the anticipation leads to no sleep and as we all know I NEED my sleep!
Five minutes into Aunt Wiz and B being in the house, Addison starts the “lets go to the pool” over and over and over. We get everyone ready and walk to the pool. The boys had a great time. Both Jackson and B were content lounging in their floaties. Addison had fun but after 15 minutes she was whining that we needed to go back to Jayme’s house because “ I so so so cold and tired and need to go to Jayme’s to take a nap because I so cranky” as only Addison can so eloquently say.
Meanwhile, I knew what everyone was thinking. I was thinking the same damn thing… we packed bags for three babies, blew up water wings for Addison, two floaties for the boys, packed a cooler with snacks and drinks and walked over to the pool; now 20 minutes later Addison is ready to leave?!
Rule number three: An overtired toddler and the sun are not great combinations.
Jayme suggests we take the kids for a walk to see the horses- we did just that. I thought it would be something Addison enjoyed; she loves horses. She was a little fussy though. I think the combination of a late night, no nap and the sun left her withered. Jackson, however, loved the horses. His face light up as he stuck his finger in one horses nostril. Notice how nothing was mentioned about B. He was content the entire time. Just happy to be hanging off his mommy’s hip.
We get back to the house, change and Jayme starts dinner. Two more friends of hers would be joining for dinner; one of which is a mommy with her two daughters a two yr old and 4 yr old. Good, Addison will have playmates. Maybe that will keep her busy.
I scramble to try and get the kids down for a nap before everyone arrives; however, Jackson is to busy going up and down the stairs. All. Fucking. Day. I hate stairs. Really what is the fascination with stairs? The three of us took turns getting him. The moment we left the living room we would hear Addison yell “Mommy Jackson is up the stairs again. Come get him”. Fantastic.
Fifteen minutes before everyone arrives, Jackson finally falls to sleep. I lay him on the sofa and sigh. I will actually be able to eat dinner.
The girls begin running around the house, screaming… I look over and Jackson sleeps through the chaos. He is exhausted. He was sleeping soundly until the girls began jumping onto the sofa- he wakes screaming just as Jayme was putting dinner on the table. So much for enjoying dinner. I sit him on my lap and
Rule number four:Do not have a happy thought before enjoying the experience.
After dinner, the kids continue to run around and play. I go out to the living room to check them and I smell poop. I check Jackson; nothing. I look in Addison’s direction. She knows what’s next. “Addison come here and let me check your underwear”. Yup, sure enough my overtired, stubborn three yr old decided to poop in her underwear… I don’t know what was most frustrating the fact I knew she was overtired and would mostly likely poop, that I forgot to bring an extra pair of pull-ups or underwear or that her response to “Addison why did you poop in your underwear” was “because I did”.
Rule number five: Always pack an extra pair of underwear and if you have not learned this after the third time of experiencing the very same situation, you are an asshole like me!
When I have the two of them alone it becomes very difficult to sit and enjoy myself. Most times I find I am having less fun and hate the fact I can’t just sit and talk like everyone else. Instead, I am running around like a "NO" screaming mad person chasing two toddlers room to room. Why was Aunt Wiz able to help with dinner, sit and enjoy eating her meal, help with clean up and engage in conversation with other adults? Why was B contently crawling around on the floor not making a peep?
As I sat at the table, while I hear my monsters screaming in the background I think to myself… well, they really could be worse. I have seen bad kids and my kids are not bad; they are toddlers.
Lesson learned: parent’s are always most critical of their own children. They weren’t that naughty… just obnoxious enough to drive me insane.
Tuesday, I was happy to be home...
The ending result... a week of being out, a week of late nights and early mornings, a week of cranky overtired babies and a week to finish a post.