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Friday, September 3, 2010

The One Without a Title:

I am a mom. I vow to protect my children.

But Monday I was helpless. Monday I was a horrible mother. Monday was the worst day of my life. Monday was life changing. Monday has left me with this empty feeling, a hole in my stomach, I can not shake. A piece of me that I will never have back. A piece of me that will never be the same.

My mom and I took the kids for a walk in the park. We had so much fun. We decided to takes the kids out of their strollers and sit under a shade tree on top of a hill.

It is Florida; we do not have hills but this particular walking park does. How much fun would it be fun to roll down them? We did. I stirred up a bees nest which was underground. I was covered. Screamed to my mom to grab Addison before she got covered. Turned to see her- it was too late.

(I am shaking as I type I have chills, the empty feeling is back)

This will be short because I can’t muster up enough energy to relive the day in its entirety.

Jackson is now swarmed. Addison head is invisible. Hundreds of bees swarm us. We are all screaming. 20 minutes. It felt like a lifetime.
The only thought I remember, is thinking (at the moment believing) I was going to lose Addison if not both her and Jackson.

My mom struggles to protect herself, Addison and Jackson; finally getting them out of the immediate distance. I stay behind so not to bring any more bees over to them.

I attempted twice to call 911. They needed an address. I did not have one. They did not know the park. “My babies are going to die!” No luck with 911 I start screaming for help.

Even though my mom and babies were out of the immediate area they are still being stung. I can hear them screaming for help.

I attempt the second 911 call while my mom runs to flag someone down from the road.

I sit down while still being swarmed. I cry. Finally, sirens.

to the man who stopped and helped my mom and babies until the ambulance and BSO arrived, thank you does not seem enough. I wish I had your name. You were our angel.

I see Jackson throwing up- I scream: ”get him, get my baby”. They get him out of the stroller, tend to my mom and babies and finally come to help me.

The three of us are immediately rushed to the emergency room they began taking the stingers out of the babies. On their faces, in their mouths, on their sides, back, necks, hands, feet and heads- my poor poor innocent precious little babies.We are all physically fine, minus the 8 stings on Jackson and his swollen lip, the 15 or so stings on Addison, the 25 or more on my mom and 38 or more on me (from what we could count).

Emotionally I will never be the same. The news reporters wanted to interview me. I decided not to, the babies were far too upset, I was covered in both their vomit; a nurse snuck us out through a back door.

I stayed at my mom’s house for three days. I did not want to be alone. Addison did not want to go outside; I did not blame her. We stayed at my mom’s so not to have to walk my three dogs.

Yesterday was our first day home. I did not want to take the dogs outside. We managed. Not well. I rushed the dogs. Addison begged to go back inside.I am a rational person. I know while walking the dogs or taking them in the backyard we will not have the same result. But I can't. I can't stand the thought.

The babies are terrified. They cry all day. They hold onto me. They do not want to be put down. They only want to sleep in my bed, they have bad dreams. The three of us wake at night off and on; Jackson crying, Addison saying no she does not want to walk and me with the horrible thought that Monday could have been…I keep seeing the image of Addison being swarmed. Addison is calling me Mama again, rather than mommy. She is terrified to walk, even indoors. She is afraid of furballs or fuzzies. Terrified of anything she sees flying out side; butterflies, moths, flies God help us if she sees a bee. Jackson screams when put in the stroller. The clothes the babies were wearing have been washed and boxed up- I can't stand the thought of them wearing those outfits.

They only want me. Why? when I let such a horrible thing happen to them? Why on earth do they only want me? Why am I their superhero when I could not protect them?

I struggled with a title for this: The worst day of my life. I will never be the same. The moment I thought my babies were gone. The scariest moment I can remember. The day a piece of me died. My lesson in life. My fears lived. Our Angels working overtime. My life changing moment.They are all true.

Once you have that feeling, the moment you realize there is a fine line between life and death; you will never be the same. I will never be the same.

We are trying to get back into our routine- it is proven to be very difficult.

I do not want to leave the house. I want to protect my babies. I never want them to feel that kind of pain or helplessness again. I never want to be helpless. I am their mother- I was supposed to protect them. How could I have let this happen?

Five days later and I cringe when I see evidence of that horrible Monday. a bruise here or there. A red patch from a sting. A scratch from my mom and I swatting away bees in a flurry. Five days later and it feels as though it was yesterday. Five days later and the thought still makes me sick- what if?

I vow never to take Addison, Jackson or life for granted- ever. I will make the most of each day. And at the end of each blessed day I will be thankful. Thankful for my two precious, beautiful little blessings. I vow not to sweat the small stuff- because it is just stuff. I vow to appreciate what I have in life rather than focusing on what I do not.

Please take this with you:

Every Day Matters.

We Are Not Entitled to Tomorrow.

Be Thankful For Your Blessings in Life.

So after you read this; hug your children, hold them a moment longer, kiss them, thank them for the joy they bring into your life and let them know how much you love them.


Blame It On The Stork said...

Thanks for stopping by our blog! Your kids are so cute! I love the picture at the end of you blog where they are sleeping nose to nose! So adorable. We are following you right back!

Johanna said...

Thanks for joining my blog, now following you as well. Read you last blog while holding my breath. How are your babies now and how are you? Please be well, will have all of you in my thoughts.

Adriana said...

I am in tears right now! I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your family, I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. Please don't blame yourself, as much as we moms feel completely responsible for everything that happens to our children, sometimes things are just out of our control (especially anything related to mother nature). I know it will take some time for you and the kids to feel back to normal but soon enough you will, for now it's just going to take time for them to feel safe again and you are the only person who can make them feel that way (despite what you think of yourself). Please take care and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I will definitely think twice before taking anything for granted, especially my precious little Julian. Thank you for sharing.

Stephanie said...

Oh my goodness. I saw that you just started following me, and I wanted to come over and follow back...and then I read your post...I am so sorry that this happened to you. This is horrible. :(

They will get over it. Eventually. It will take time. But they will get over it. You will NEVER get over it. I am so sorry.

Kelley said...

That is horrific!! I cannot believe that happened to you! I didn't even know that bees nests could be underground. I know you will feel in shock for a long time. I hope your nightmare haunts you less and less each day. Thanks so much for sharing your story! I will remember this one for a long time. I am glad you connected with me on Bloggy Moms or I wouldn't have heard your story. :(

Anonymous said...

Saw you on bloggymoms. Great site! So sorry about your bee incident - you must have felt so helpless. I'm so nervous when one bee is around my "babies"... I couldn't imagine! Squeeze those little ones a little tighter today.

thepunkrockmom said...

Oh my dear sweet goodness... I am so sorry this happened to you! But PLEASE don't blame yourself! It was in no way your fault- you did nothing wrong. The mere fact that you were clear headed enough to stay away from the kids so as not to bring anymore bees to them- while you kept close to the nest and kept getting stung- is a testament to what a GREAT mom you ARE. I don't think I would have been able to think so clearly.
This is a terrible thing that happened, and all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will get there. You will feel better again.
And your kids obviously still see you as their protector- not wanting to be away from you. So don't think that you lost that. And your message is spot on- today is all we have. I'll be hugging my precious ones tighter.
I am praying for you and your sweet, amazing family.
Ps- This is no attempt at consolation, but I wanted to let you know I gave you a great big thank you on my blog for the sweet award you gave me-

nvrnvr said...

I was nearly crying reading this! Mother nature can sometimes be cruel buy maybe its her way of reminding us of the important things in our lives.
Don't blame yourself for what happened, you didn't make the bees put their hive underground. I hope you and your children will be able to move on and what a blessing it was that your kids were not allergic to bees otherwise it could have been disastrous!
Hows that saying go...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Enjoy the extra smooches and cuddle from your kids while you get them...children are more resilient than we give them credit for and will move on from this quicker than we as adults would.
All the best!

Julie said...

I am crying right now. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have been like. I am so relieved to hear that physically you, your mom and your two little ones are ok. I hope soon you will be able to put this behind you and enjoy time outside with your babies. Thank you for those words at the end of your post. Too often I feel I am excited for my kids to go to bed. I needed to have that reminder that our lives and the lives of our children are precious and we should cherish them.

Emily said...

I too am crying while reading this - I can feel your anguish in your words. It was not your fault. You did not know there was a nest there. You did a wonderful job protecting your babies. You stayed away from them when everything in your body was screaming run to them to help them. You did your best to help.
Now comes the healing time. I suggest seriously taking them to a bug expert or library and teaching them about bees. Letting them know that the bees were just trying to protect themselves. You can help them overcome this fear. You are a great mother. I am so sorry you had this happen to you. I hope you all continue to heal!
PS I am following you back from Bloggy Moms - thanks for stopping by and following me.
PPS I love the bum pic on the header - seriously is there anything cuter then a little baby bum??

Susan said...

I am so sorry this happened to you!I literally cannot and do not even want to imagine how terrifying that must have been...I was much older than your kids (about 11 or 12) when a neighbor began throwing dirt into a hive that was under ground (we call them yellow jackets which are actually a kind of wasp)...I remember thinking it looked like a cartoon swarm of bees and I'll never forget trying to out run these creatures than can actually sting numerous times each. Another neighbor heard our screams and literally hosed the bees off of us. To think of something like that happening to my own kids makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm so glad you're all okay, and I hope that your little ones are doing better.


Marci said...

This post just brought me to tears. It was SO emotional & strong. I am crying as well reading this... I am SO sorry this happened to you and your sweet little ones. I can't even begin to fathom how horrified you must have been! I am so sorry :( I am just glad both of them and you are okay and made it through this traumatic experience. I hope time will heal and you will all be okay :) Are you all doing any better? How are you the kids feeling?

mommysankey said...

Thank you all for your concern. I really have amazing readers. The babies are doing well. We do have a few issues that will need worked out with Addison. But it will take a little time and I am hoping that since they are both so young, it won't affect them too much later in life. Now Mama's issues are a different story. I think the hardest part will be trying to put (and keep) the day in the past. Hopefully time will heal that. Susan- how awful. I too am sorry you experienced that. I am sorry you relived your experience through my story, but thank you for sharing. Yes, when I picture the day, I am sure it is far worse in my mind then it actually was, it is very much like a cartoon swarm. I now carry large bottles of water and blankets in my diaper bag. I guess just a little too late...

Kimberly said...

Oh honey this is something that was out of your control. You are not a bad mommy. You did EVERYTHING to protect them. You called 911 and got them help. You are a great Mommy.
This is definitely a freak thing that happened. Totally not your fault. Your kids are wanting to be with you because they love you and know that you were protecting them. You're a good Mommy.

Life by Cynthia said...

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have no words. Choking back tears. said...

wow- i had an incident with my oldest where he had a seizure and i thought i might loose him - 20 minutes into it he still didn't know who i was (he was 5 yo) - i know what it feel like when time stands still & you have to work so hard to focus to try to make a good decision in a heart stopping moment..... but, girl- i cannot imagine everything going through your head at that moment. my son is almost 10 yo now- and i still get choked up when i tell the story - thank you for sharing yours- i know this is over a year later & i'm so glad to know that everyone is alright!
hey, i'm a florida mom too! (and we're always outside!) look forward to connecting! kelli

Our Life in the Deep End said...

So I ran across your blog on Blogg Moms (pending member) in the convo. about "follow me" comments and I had to come read this story. To say I am sorry at what you all had to go through just doesn't quite seem to be enough. I too live in Florida and I just pictured you at our local park and boy did I feel like I was right there with you. I am so paranoid with my son, I often check to see if he is breathing, startle myself when I think he has fallen out of something because I forget that I didn't in fact set him in his swing etc. Luckily I have not had to go through anything major yet but I know when I do I will be a wreck and will want to hold him in the corner of my bedroom after locking all the doors and closing all the drapes. It amazes me the need for protecting my son that encompasses me daily, he is 6 months. Thank you for your honesty and integrity with this and reminding all of us how precious our children and life are. I am off to read your current posts now(hoping you all are doing well).

Anonymous said...

I just came across this post as I was searching for a way to rid of bees. I had to stop and read; holding my breath the entire time and fighting back tears. I can not imagine how difficult this was for you, as a mother, to experience. I wish you and your family continued healing that one day you will be able to enjoy the outdoors.

Anonymous said...

Bumped into the post "The most insulting comment ever"- loved the way it was written. After reading, I just need to read this story.

First- I am so happy you, your mom and both of those beautiful babies are okay. I realize this happened almost a year ago... how is everyone today? I hope time has helped heal most of the trauma- both physically and emotionally.

Second- Yes, I have to agree- while your kids are absoutely adorable- this post was not the place for that comment. Completely inappropriate.

Your blog is one of the reason I love seaching the web. Thank you for sharing your stories- I hope you continue to do so.

Be well.

Amber s. said...

Thank you for sharing your for sharing your horrific story. I can not pretend to imagine how difficult this must have been for you.