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Showing posts with label I hate this weekend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I hate this weekend. Show all posts

Monday, March 7, 2011

How quickly a weekend turns & Day 64. 301 Days Left.

It is amazing how quickly a weekend can go from great to pure hell.

Auntie M and Great Aunt Wen came down last weekend to visit with the kids. Jackson was running a little fever but nothing too worry-some. Then, suddenly, after an afternoon of swimming, I started to panic. I was debating on whether to take him to an emergency clinic or to the ER. I called my pediatrician after hours to ask what he thought was best. Jackson was gasping during breaths and had an awful cough. Not just any cough. It sounded as though he was barking. It was deep and left him wheezing afterwards. The pediatrician called as we were getting ready to leave for the after hour emergency clinic. I explained Jackson symptoms and he said to give him fever reducer and pedialyte.

Addison spent the night at Gredda and Pop-Pop’s with her aunts. Jackson came home with us and slept in our bed. I woke around 3am to a burning up baby. We took his temperature and it read 104. The panic set in. I gave him Tylenol and placed a temped compress on his head and back. I timed exactly one hour. I was only giving the fever one hour; it came down.

Sunday came but with not much more ease. He was still wheezing while taking breaths. We said goodbye to Auntie M and Great Aunt Wen and brought both kids home. I made the hubby call work and tell them he was not going to make it in on Monday. Jackson was going to the pediatrician because I knew something was just not right.

Monday morning I called the pediatrician’s office and got right in… I was right. Within minutes of checking in I was rushed back to a private office, away from other kids. Jackson was being checked by a nurse. The pediatrician was pulled out of a patient’s room to listen to Jackson’s breathing. We were immediately sent to the ER. Fantastic, what does my baby have? Did I expose Addison? What the fuck is going on?

We get to the pediatric ER, sign in and wait.

I look around and see sick children, sick children who are in the emergency room with colds. They would most likely be discharged with a note to rest and drink fluids. They were probably sent home from school to a parent, without health insurance, who decided it was necessary to bring their children, with colds, to the ER. Meanwhile, I have to wait with my one year old who is having difficulty breathing. Love the system.

While waiting Addison decides to play; she sits quietly and reads a book. A little boy (about Jackson’s age) came over and pulled her hair. Repeatedly. She sat there, not screaming, just asking if I could make him stop. After the fifth or so time, I turn to the mother and say something. She looks at me and says “no English”. So how do you say “get your fucking sick brat away from my daughter” in Spanish? I have Addison come sit next to us.

Jackson’s name is called. We sit with the triage nurses and go over his symptoms. While they are trying to read his oxygen levels a mother walks in and bitches about how she was here before us. The nurses had me in too much of a panic and worry, I could not even think of what to say to the fatty; although if I were in a clear state of mind it would not have been good. They told her to leave and wait until she was called. We were immediately given a room and within minutes Jackson was given his first of many nebulizer treatments.

Were we told Jackson was going to be admitted for at least one night. A nurse would be in after his x-ray to insert an IV. We are taken to x-ray. Jackson freezes as the machine runs. The look in his eyes said it all; he was terrified. He didn’t move, just barely let out a whimper. Heartbreaking.

We settle back in the room and our nurse walks in… “Oh my god; Willow.” She responds “I remember you. You, the kids and your mom came in with all the bee stings. How is your daughter?"I told her Daddy was taking her to her Gredda’s but she was doing well. Willow was going to be our nurse while in the ER and she would be placing Jackson’s IV. Willow- she is so amazingly calm; she didn’t flinch at Jackson’s screaming, didn’t get frustrated… she made me calm (which if you know me is impossible). She placed Jackson’s IV with one stick.The next test was for H1N1. As you can imagine a q-tip being stuck up a toddler's nose not exactly easy; although it was done with greater ease than the IV.

Hours later we are brought to our room. We settle in and the bed next to us is a four year old girl having seizures. Her aunts were with her. The hubby makes it back and he and I eat one of many shitty fast food dinners. We were told that they would bring me a sleeper chair and they were moving the little girl to another room. 8:30pm, the room is full. The hubby and I are with Jackson and the little girl has two Aunts, one Uncle and both parents with her. 9pm the room is empty… just the hubby and I with Jackson. The little girl’s entire family leaves her. She begins to whimper. The nurse comes in to move her to a new room. She is alone, hugging her pooh bear, eyes wide open, terrified, alone… I hold Jackson close and cry. She is around Addison’s age. The thought of that little girl being alone, in a hospital just broke my heart. I cried; tears dripping down Jackson. My heart broke for her. I was angry.

Tuesday morning our Dr. came in and told us we would be here another night. Jackson has a severe case of croup. He would continue to need nebulizer treatments, steroids and IV fluids. That night Jackson's IV clotted. I called the nurse thinking it needed to be redone. It was midnight and thankfully the hubby was still with us. She came in swaddled Jackson, removed the tape and said she hoped it just needed to be adjusted and flushed. Jackson could barley cry, he had no voice from the croup, was exhausted, and weak. He tried to cry but couldn't, he lost all fight. I cried for him.

I held him in my arms for three days, until we were released.




A week later, Jackson is doing well. He is still on at home nebulizer treatments five times a day and after playing he sounds awful. His oxygen level is up to 99 percent and he is finally eating and playful.

(Jackson getting one of many at home treatments- cool mist)


Wow, what a few scary days. It really is amazing how quickly things can turn.
_________________________________________________________________

Day 64

Our weekend with Auntie M and Great Aunt Wen


Friday, September 3, 2010

The One Without a Title:

I am a mom. I vow to protect my children.

But Monday I was helpless. Monday I was a horrible mother. Monday was the worst day of my life. Monday was life changing. Monday has left me with this empty feeling, a hole in my stomach, I can not shake. A piece of me that I will never have back. A piece of me that will never be the same.

My mom and I took the kids for a walk in the park. We had so much fun. We decided to takes the kids out of their strollers and sit under a shade tree on top of a hill.

It is Florida; we do not have hills but this particular walking park does. How much fun would it be fun to roll down them? We did. I stirred up a bees nest which was underground. I was covered. Screamed to my mom to grab Addison before she got covered. Turned to see her- it was too late.

(I am shaking as I type I have chills, the empty feeling is back)


This will be short because I can’t muster up enough energy to relive the day in its entirety.

Jackson is now swarmed. Addison head is invisible. Hundreds of bees swarm us. We are all screaming. 20 minutes. It felt like a lifetime.
The only thought I remember, is thinking (at the moment believing) I was going to lose Addison if not both her and Jackson.

My mom struggles to protect herself, Addison and Jackson; finally getting them out of the immediate distance. I stay behind so not to bring any more bees over to them.

I attempted twice to call 911. They needed an address. I did not have one. They did not know the park. “My babies are going to die!” No luck with 911 I start screaming for help.

Even though my mom and babies were out of the immediate area they are still being stung. I can hear them screaming for help.

I attempt the second 911 call while my mom runs to flag someone down from the road.

I sit down while still being swarmed. I cry. Finally, sirens.

to the man who stopped and helped my mom and babies until the ambulance and BSO arrived, thank you does not seem enough. I wish I had your name. You were our angel.


I see Jackson throwing up- I scream: ”get him, get my baby”. They get him out of the stroller, tend to my mom and babies and finally come to help me.

The three of us are immediately rushed to the emergency room they began taking the stingers out of the babies. On their faces, in their mouths, on their sides, back, necks, hands, feet and heads- my poor poor innocent precious little babies.We are all physically fine, minus the 8 stings on Jackson and his swollen lip, the 15 or so stings on Addison, the 25 or more on my mom and 38 or more on me (from what we could count).

Emotionally I will never be the same. The news reporters wanted to interview me. I decided not to, the babies were far too upset, I was covered in both their vomit; a nurse snuck us out through a back door.

I stayed at my mom’s house for three days. I did not want to be alone. Addison did not want to go outside; I did not blame her. We stayed at my mom’s so not to have to walk my three dogs.

Yesterday was our first day home. I did not want to take the dogs outside. We managed. Not well. I rushed the dogs. Addison begged to go back inside.I am a rational person. I know while walking the dogs or taking them in the backyard we will not have the same result. But I can't. I can't stand the thought.

The babies are terrified. They cry all day. They hold onto me. They do not want to be put down. They only want to sleep in my bed, they have bad dreams. The three of us wake at night off and on; Jackson crying, Addison saying no she does not want to walk and me with the horrible thought that Monday could have been…I keep seeing the image of Addison being swarmed. Addison is calling me Mama again, rather than mommy. She is terrified to walk, even indoors. She is afraid of furballs or fuzzies. Terrified of anything she sees flying out side; butterflies, moths, flies God help us if she sees a bee. Jackson screams when put in the stroller. The clothes the babies were wearing have been washed and boxed up- I can't stand the thought of them wearing those outfits.

They only want me. Why? when I let such a horrible thing happen to them? Why on earth do they only want me? Why am I their superhero when I could not protect them?

I struggled with a title for this: The worst day of my life. I will never be the same. The moment I thought my babies were gone. The scariest moment I can remember. The day a piece of me died. My lesson in life. My fears lived. Our Angels working overtime. My life changing moment.They are all true.

Once you have that feeling, the moment you realize there is a fine line between life and death; you will never be the same. I will never be the same.

We are trying to get back into our routine- it is proven to be very difficult.

I do not want to leave the house. I want to protect my babies. I never want them to feel that kind of pain or helplessness again. I never want to be helpless. I am their mother- I was supposed to protect them. How could I have let this happen?

Five days later and I cringe when I see evidence of that horrible Monday. a bruise here or there. A red patch from a sting. A scratch from my mom and I swatting away bees in a flurry. Five days later and it feels as though it was yesterday. Five days later and the thought still makes me sick- what if?

I vow never to take Addison, Jackson or life for granted- ever. I will make the most of each day. And at the end of each blessed day I will be thankful. Thankful for my two precious, beautiful little blessings. I vow not to sweat the small stuff- because it is just stuff. I vow to appreciate what I have in life rather than focusing on what I do not.

Please take this with you:

Every Day Matters.

We Are Not Entitled to Tomorrow.

Be Thankful For Your Blessings in Life.

So after you read this; hug your children, hold them a moment longer, kiss them, thank them for the joy they bring into your life and let them know how much you love them.