What the sign should read…
THE AMAZON
Be advised: at some point, you will find any if not all of the following in your home...
Spiders:
Golden Orb: commonly refereed to as banana spiders. Call them what you will but I like to refer to them as fuckingsonofabitchwhorefaced spiders.
Jumping wolf: which litter the outside of our building. And as the name implies, they jump!
Common house spiders: they drop down from light fixtures, microwaves or the kitchen cabinets for a friendly morning visit. No thank you! I like to have my coffee uninterrupted.
Some big ass gold spider: or as the hubby calls them the night spider. These bad boys seem to only make their webs at night and often surprise me in my car (they are not small).
Your daddy (sometimes granddaddy depending on size) long legs: YUCK! Typically found where it is dark and cozy or just about anywhere in my house(they like to keep us Sankeys on our toes). Towel cabinets, behind the kid’s bathroom trash can, along side the washer dryer, the kids bathtub, behind Addison's stuffed animals, the sink, the elevator... get the point.
Lizards:
curly tails: these guys are kinda cute. At a distance. A very far distance.
Knight anole: the problem with these are they bite and Jackson loves chasing them. Ugh!
Skinks: have you seen a skink? They are not pretty and surely you would not want one in your house. Go ahead Google them.
Snakes: we have a wonderful variety of snakes that also like to make their way into homes. Thankfully for me, I am on the fourth floor… no snakes in my house (whish I could say the same of spiders). However, a neighbor, not so lucky, receiving regular visits from all the above.
Mosquitoes: commonly mistaken for helicopters. They are that giant. These disgusting disease spreading pests find their way into the house and gorge themselves on my family; all night. They are kind enough to invite the whole mosquito community inside for a Free buffet of ALL YOU CAN EAT: babies, dogs, cats and two very unsuspecting and plump slabs of sleeping meat. Jackson by far fairs the worse. He looks as though he has some form of mutant chickenpox. Poor guy. No deet for the kiddos and skin so soft, why yes, my children do have exceptionally soft skin but are still covered in red bumps.
So if you fear any of the above (as I) I suggest stay out of the jungle otherwise known as Coral Springs. Wonder why I never got the memo?
You can't tell from the picture but there isn't any sand left in the table
1 comment:
I can't stop laughing- I love the fuckingsonofabitchwhorefaced spiders LOLOLOL. Awesome. I want to see a picture of one of those LMAO
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