There she is; she quickly pulls all eight legs in. Fucking great, I mumble under my breath. I had no idea two little bodies were standing behind me. “What mommy? What is it?” A spider, I tell her. “Can I see her?” she asks. I point to the top of the window. Thankfully she was outside, for now.
“Where mommy? There?” pointing to the center of the window… I look, “Are you kidding me! Another one!” Addison looks at me and says “mommy go call daddy now, he needs to clean them.” (clean means kill) And yes, daddy needs to clean them before they get inside. Because they do get inside. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. Bastards!
I go to the kitchen to call the hubby; suddenly Addison lets out a terrible shriek. Jackson cries. I run into the room knowing just what it was… another spider. Addison, huffing and puffing dramatically (the only way Addison communicates), points to the bottom of the window and tells me the daddy spider is moving. I go to look and daddy spider is indeed moving. And indeed is a daddy spider. No, not a daddy long legs but a huge golden daddy sized spider. I grab a trembling Addison in one arm and a crying Jackson (clearly upset about Addison’s shriek) in the other and dump them into the living room. Addison is so terrified of bugs she makes me look brave (and that is saying something).
Yes, it is spider season in Coral Springs. Apparently there are so many that they fight for any available space which drives clusters into the Sankey house. Uninvited. But it is more than clusters. It's actually a convention. A big, giant, international spider convention, televised to all their spider family and friends, inviting them to come on over. We are over-run. The house. The balcony. My car. Nothing is off limits.
Finally able to get the hubby on the phone, I explain, as dramatically as Addison, he needs to get home NOW and kill the spiders on the kid’s window. NOW! RIGHT NOW! And that he does. He made up some excuse for having to leave work (one of the luxuries of having children) and he made his way home.
The moment the hubby walks through the door, Addison frantically tells him about the spiders on her bedroom window. “You got to go kill them daddy.” In as little as 45 minutes, clean has become kill. "Daddy, go get the spray. Hurry.” And he did. The hubby grab the jumbo bottle of Ortho home defense max and headed into the kid’s bedroom.
Addison, suddenly emboldened by the presence of poison, wanted to follow us into the room to watch the unwelcomed pest die. She is so my child.
Addison and I point out the offenders; I chase her and Jackson out of the room and oversee the operation from the farthest corner. I like knowing where they are and that they are in fact dead.
Before the hubby removes the screen (which was the only way to reach the daddy spider) I have him saturate the inside of the window. Not wanting them to have the option of running into the room. He takes the screen out and shoots away. They begin dropping. And more than just the three. I see what I think are flies coming through the window and as the supervisor I point out that flies are getting in. The hubby turns to me “those are not flies. Get out of here!”
Before leaving the room I hear Addison on the other side of the door… “DIE, FUCKIN’ SPIDERS, DIE!”
I am so proud.
7 comments:
Oh my gosh,,, that is hilarious!!!
I hope you wrote that down! Smart little girl!! You should be proud!! lol
I have to admit that I say the same thing when I'm killing spiders!!
Great post!
I think this is one of the funniest things I have read. I'm sure not for you. I have a morbid fear of critters so I completly understand.
Oh my! Sounds like quite a day. Yuck on the spiders especially "daddy" sized ones. Really great post.
This is such a funny post. I know about Florida spiders. Ever have a skink in your house? Another one of my Florida animal experiences. Oh that was the worst thing I have ever witnessed come through a door...don't even look it up, It's awful!
Visiting from Bloggy Moms! New Follower also :)
Yes- it was quite a day! The hubby was a little upset (along with his employer) that I *MADE* him leave work early (15 minutes after arriving at the job site). I am deathly afraid of spiders- heart races... so the was no other option- the hubby must leave work, get home and rescue us.
@Jenny: I have seen skinks (we have them here in the Coral Springs Amazon)- thankfully we are on the fourth floor so I have not had one in the house. One of our neighbors gets the golden orb spiders (HUGE) and snakes in her house (she is on the first floor).
Summertime here is like living in the jungle!
I am so sorry but this was hilarious! I was laughing so hard that a co-worker came over to see what was so funny. I made her read and she too is in hysterics. Love the way this was written; felt like I was there with you and yuck to that! I am terrified of critters. Really not my thing either.
Your daughter is the funniest little cutie ever. I know all too well about little ones and how quickly they pick up the no-no words.
Loved the picture of the toes in the sand on your songbird post.
From one fat bottomed mama
MamaKat
BTW I can never use my google account to comment on your blog.
Thanks Mama Kat! Yes, Addison picked-up the "no-no" words quickly. I think her first real word (other than dada and mama) was asshole. Nice huh. Probably a good idea to stop before Jackson start slinging them around also.
I have problems commenting through google on other blogs but never on my own. I even set up the pop-up comment window for that purpose.
Thanks for stopping by.
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